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For this song I wanted to make something that sounded like my old material- low-fi but have a lot of energy. I miss the way those songs sounded from around 2012 and the live feel they had. There was something special about that feeling. I included references to other songs from over the years that I hope people are able to pick out. My favorite lyric is, “I miss you so much that it fuckin hurts, It’s like I've got barbed wire in my chest comin through my shirt, and when I hold someone it goes from my chest into theirs.” I like the imagery of it and because I feel like I cause pain to people I hold close. I don’t want to feel like that anymore. To me it sounds like a song that would be on Dancebeats and I think that’s a nice change from how clean and produced my later stuff became. I wanted this to sound like I was playing live at a house show. I like the “ohhh” chants and the chants on the “sorry I'm late” I think the chants in general on this song are some of my favorite. I think they add a group energy that’s fun and upbeat. I hope you enjoy the song too, it should be on Spotify in the next couple days so keep an eye out. The last couple of months I have been struggling mentally and have decided to break up the recording process for the songs I have written and releasing them as singles, not all at once for a CD. I need to remain healthy and to be honest being in the studio was causing me a lot of anxiety and I wasn't able to commit to the entire week. I was able to do Ugly and Cheetah so those will be the two I am releasing. Cheetah Print Bag will be up later this week/Next week, and then I’ll be taking a break until I feel well enough to head back to record. So, essentially it’ll be a bunch of singles then put into an album.
I want to be a good person so badly and make a positive impact with my time here. I have a good heart and good intentions and want to be a better person than I was in my past. Getting treatment for my BPD/Bipolar has changed me a lot and I have been educated in ways that have helped me become a more empathetic person. I have so much shame, regret and embarrassment revolving around my failures, but through my treatment and support systems I will remain a healthy person who stands for what’s right in my heart. I am blessed to have the love and support I do and I want to make people happy and feel understood.
Nick Hartkop
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Ugly Duckling Lyrics
Breakneck speeds with breakneck lives
With break-breakneck choices in the night
You've got two black eyes and bruised up thighs
He said, "I can fight if you can fight"
You know, I would be alright if I could make you mine
These can fix your brain if you just give it time
We can take it slow or can take it fast, either way I know that this will never last
Fuck you, then you fucked me and ruined everything
I felt trapped in our home, so I ran away
Your soul looked so pretty on outside
But on the inside, oh on the inside...
Missed you missed you, he asked "Can I kiss you?"
Love will always end in pain so please go get your tissues
Missed me missed me, I know that you hate me
Maybe he will love me, if I let you berate me
Missed you missed you, he asked "Can I kiss you?"
Love will always end in pain so please go get your tissues
Missed me missed me, I know that you hate me
Maybe he will love you, if I let you berate me
Can I please stay for a glass of wine?
Can I keep this book out if I pay the fine?
Her body gets weaker with the passing time
She said, "I can see my mom" as she died
I miss you so much that it fuckin' hurts
It's like I've got barbed wire in my chest comin' through my shirt
and when I hold someone it goes from my chest into theirs
Their heart, their mind, their dreams are mine
Alright (Alright)
Ten years ago I took you home
The poem that I wrote you couldn't leave my throat
Regret the day you walked away
Sorry I'm late
Be brave for me
drink up with me
smoke up with me
shoot up with me
Looked up to me.
Wild and free, feels meant to be
You know, there's towns to see and snakes in trees
With shaky knees, the ugly duckling drowned inside the stream
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