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- Nick Hartkop
- Dec 19, 2025
- 3 min read
Happy Holidays everyone! It's been a while since my last blog and I wanted to give everyone a little update about my life and McCafferty going forward. Mentally, I have been doing really well. I’m on a steady regime of medication for my bipolar and BPD and I’ve been living a safe healthy life for almost 6 years now. I have been blessed with a support system through my wife and therapist/psychiatrist that has really helped shape myself into a better person. I am so grateful for them both. Regarding music, I have been burnt out for a long time from writing so many McCafferty songs. I think I have around 120ish songs on Spotify as of now and that encompasses my entire life from 2010 until now.
I have lost a lot of passion for music and it's not something I do everyday now because it doesn’t give me fulfillment. Before I was medicated, I would write every single day when I was manic, but my medication has curbed my mania and I don’t feel like writing as often. That’s also because when I write I go into a dark headspace that is communicated by my lyrics and songs and it's hard to be in that mindset a lot. I also feel very accomplished with McCafferty and don’t feel like I have to prove anything to myself anymore. I have very bad self-esteem and feel like a failure in my life with McCafferty. I see other bands my size thriving and going on exciting tours and have tons of fans and that’s just not something I am able to do with my mental illness. I am incapable of touring and I do not like playing shows and I really struggle with that, but I have started to come to terms with it and that mixed with my past just weighs heavy on my heart a lot of the time. But I have so many blessings in my life and McCafferty is thriving despite my setbacks. I got around 130,000,000 streams this year which is an incomprehensible number to me. My music has become so much bigger than me and it’s an incredible feeling. I just want everyone that listens to know how much I appreciate them and truly truly want to thank each and everyone of you.
McCafferty has always been a story about my life, from my worst moments, to my greatest. It has documented every step of the way from being a mentally ill teenager, to a full grown adult with a family (while still being mentally ill). That is really cool to me. I started putting out McCafferty songs when I was 16 years old (Drop From Our Windows being my first song in 2010) and now I am 33 years old and it seems like my music is just starting to catch on with a solid listening fanbase. That really excites me because I feel like I captured my youth in a way that other kids can relate to, even though I have left adolescence now. I see myself as someone who has had a lot of success and failure and can be a mentor to other young aspiring musicians and to people who also struggle.
I wish I could say mental illness gets better as you get older, but the truth is that it doesn’t, and in a lot of ways it gets worse. I used to struggle with drugs as a coping mechanism, like many people with bipolar do, and it took a lot of active willingness to want to change and become a good person and an adult to break my cycles of abuse. If I hadn’t changed, I would be dead by now. I think about death a lot, pretty much everyday all day, and I think about what people will say about me when I’m gone and what my legacy will be. I want to treat people with respect and love so that when I pass they feel as though I was a good person. I feel like McCafferty will live on long after I am gone and that makes me really happy. If you are someone who struggles mentally or with addiction, just know that I understand and sympathize with you. You are not alone and McCafferty can be a safe space for you in your worst moments, just as it has been for me. I love everyone who listens so much and you all give my life so much purpose. I hope everyone has a great rest of their year and always feel free to shoot me a message.
Sincerely,
Nick Hartkop AKA McCafferty
