July 4th, 2021 (Introduction)

My therapist and I have discussed being allowed to post to a blog here on my website. My team has set this site up so I don't have direct interaction with anything. I send these posts to them to screen, and if they think they are appropriate they will post them. My Borderline Personality Disorder makes me extremely paranoid and toxic on social media, so I won't be returning to those platforms.

I am working with new producers and musicians who are aware of my past and my cancellation. I reached out to a studio over email and let them know about me and created a professional relationship and friendship with them. I am grateful that they are willing to work with me, and I have enjoyed the couple of singles we have made.

Currently, I am writing an EP for fall 2021, and we are planning to record in November. If I hadn't been cancelled I would have never begun treatment over a year and a half ago. I still struggle with my mental illness daily, and I always will, but it was necessary to see how badly I was treating others, and stopping abusive behaviors that had become routine for me. I'm thankful for the messages people have been sending through the site, my team reviews them and sends them to me to reply to as well. We have had some interested parties inquire about producing merch, and I have no plans at this time. However, I have been in talks with a production company who reached out to me. They are passionate about the band and are aware of my past as well. I won't be doing music full time ever again, or playing shows, but I will always write McCafferty songs, and I am thankful the music connects with people. I am not someone who deserves to be in the public eye, and I was convinced that I had to put on a show to be someone I wasn't so people would like me, and I am sorry for failing to be a role model, or even a decent person in my past. McCafferty has always been about my imperfections, and it always will be, and that's something I was afraid of for a long time.

I'm going to post reflections of my experiences (good and bad) and updates about music here. Thanks for listening. nickhartkop@mccaffertyband.com

Nick