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  • Nick Hartkop

I’m scared and lost

Your hand in mine

Shut up, fuck off

These thoughts won’t stop.


One for the money, two for the show, three for the things your dad don’t know

Four, five men inside my bed, six more times I wish I’m dead

Skies of blue and skies of grey, I will love you anyway

You’re a poet too, so I trust you understand my pain

I’m hoping you can fix me, there’s something wrong inside my head

I have these messed up thoughts like a lightbulb burning out again.

When I was younger, I felt stronger

When I was younger…


And I can count the marks on your arms, and I can see the scars on top of scars

I can see you at work crying in your car feeling like the life you have to live is somehow fake

Why did God give me such a shit hand to take?

I think we can stop here for the night, it looks like a nice place

It means no worries son, so please have a nice day

I can feel this poison spread from my heart to my brain

And I can feel the sorrow spill out of my mouth like tar, and I wanted to tell you that I love you before I die

Whether you care or not it’s important for me to get off my chest, that I miss you and miss being your friend


Out, let’s come out and kiss on the lips.

The mosaic that we painted with the tips of tulips we stole from the garden we grew

When you were younger you hated the truth, that you were attracted to people like you.

There’s something that’s hiding inside of my room and when we hold hands it felt like I am free.

I hear that your father hates faggots like me

They pray for the cure because that’s what they need

A straight man at church but a gay in the sheets

How could you do this to your family?

We can’t help who were attracted to see

I asked you a question so please answer me

You know what mom? Fuck you, you'll never love me

You’ll only accept me, that’s all that you’ll be. \

Won't celebrate what I want, or I need.


I’m scared and lost

Your hand in mine

Shut up, fuck off

These thoughts won’t stop.

  • Nick Hartkop

I wrote this album in October of 2021 in a bulk session of about a week. I decided for this release that I would play every instrument (except drums), because I was still in the process of finding the right people to work with. For my next release, I will have a full band again, and I am going to start writing that record sometime next year, which I’m very excited about.


Snoqualmie Welcomes You is the first collection of songs I have written and recorded while medicated and in therapy for my bipolar/BPD. Because of that it means a lot to me and represents a lot. I want to be a good person in my life, and I am incredibly regretful and embarrassed of my past. I want to be someone people can be proud of and like to be around and live a safe healthy life. I am at the point of moving forward in my life as the person I need to be and want to be, and I am incredibly grateful to those who have educated me and promise I won't let anyone down.


I went through a couple of songs that didn’t make it on the release because, as I started recording, I didn’t feel that they fit the album. For this release, I wanted to release all the songs as singles then compile most of them onto the album.


We are working on merchandise that we plan on having by the end of the year, I'm hoping to have more on that soon.


I still haven’t gotten to my messages yet but that’s my plan for this weekend, I am sorry for the late responses.


Nick

  • Nick Hartkop

Updated: Oct 18, 2022

We were noticing our bunny was lonely, so we got her a little sister named Baby. We have been taking care of her all week and I haven’t had time to get to emails but will be getting to them next week. I’m really sorry if you’ve sent something in and haven’t heard from me yet. I hope everyone is doing well and that you enjoy the new song.


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Lyrics:


Addicted to meth in the fall

Your brother OD’d (Overdosed) when we went to the mall

I’m counting my teeth as they fall

You were spelling my name from my molars and canines

I’ve got addiction to this,

a fish on the hook who can’t get off of it

Take a hit, see my mom when I trip

She said if I die, I die

If I die, I die


I see needles in arms, fire in bone

And you know I still see you in my room when I close my eyes


See needles in arms, fire in bone

And you know I still see you in my room when I close my eyes


So, you cut yourself and your parents saw

Then, you ran away, trade your soul for a soul

Sell your body off for a pill or two

Come on baby, come on baby, let’s go get high in my room

Now you’re movin' in, where the devil lives

He’s a charming man, but there is evil in him

Never on his good side, always on his bad side

Wish he wouldn’t hurt you, wish you could reverse time


I see needles in arms fire in bone

And you know I still see you in my room when I close my eyes

And I see Needles in arms fire in bone

and you know I still see you in my room when I close my eyes


You’re not a bad dad, just a lost one

You got consumed by depression like your own son

Insecure of the things in your brain

Never followed through on anything


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