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  • Writer's pictureNick Hartkop

April 12, 2023 (Mental Health Reflection)

I wanted to make a blog updating everyone on my mental health and how my progress has been going treating my Bipolar and BPD. I have been in treatment now for about 3 and a half years and I am currently living the safest and most stable life I ever have. Something I struggle really badly with now currently is the guilt for being abusive and just an all-around bad person before getting help.

One of the symptoms of my BPD is an intense feeling of being forgotten. I struggle with it often and it's a focus for my treatment currently. I feel like people are going to forget about me because I messed up so badly and no matter how hard I try I won't ever get past the worst parts of myself. It's been making me really depressed and I get into these manic panic cycles like people will stop listening to me and I'll be forgotten about. I want to be a good person and have McCafferty be a safe space for people and be someone people are proud of and can see has genuinely changed and grown.

I know I won't ever return to social media because of how toxic I was on it and how badly I embarrassed myself, but somedays I miss having it and interacting with people and it feels like I am hiding. Being able to interact with people via the contact form has been something really positive and I can barely keep up with the messages I receive. I just don't want to feel sad anymore and I know I shouldn't, but I wish people knew I have a good heart and care about people and that my treatment has truly helped me. I am incredibly thankful for McCafferty, and I just love it so much I never want it to end. If you listen to the music, I promise not to let you down and to be someone that deserves to be listened to. I am grateful for my support systems, and I just want to make people happy. I posted about wanting to play a live show this year, but my mental health is too bad, and I am too scared of being seen by the public to play out, but it's something I miss. I'm just going to continue to put out songs and be the best version of myself and help as many people as I can. Everyone listening helps me because it feels like I have a purpose in my life and won't be forgotten about. I'll have some new songs to release here next month that I hope everyone enjoys, and I hope I can be someone people are proud of.


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