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  • Writer's pictureNick Hartkop

November 16, 2021 (Reflection/Album Update)

Today is my birthday and I’ve been reflecting on who I am as a person and where my life is headed. I feel like my life is at a crossroads currently. I don’t feel much different than I did when I was younger, but I feel the want to start the next chapter in my life. Since starting medication and treatment, I’ve begun to see the world differently. I used to be manic all the time and everything in my life had to be big and showy to feel satisfied, but I wasn’t happy with my life.

Now I feel more grounded and am very content with my life. I face the same struggles still and have a lot of regret and embarrassment that I caused for myself over the years, but I can feel that the next part of my life is starting. My biggest goal is to feel content with McCafferty. Writing my new record was something I needed for closure with it, and I am excited to head into the studio next month to get them properly recorded.

I have been thankful for starting ACT and CBT, and it has been beneficial alongside my medication. I have a psychiatrist and therapist who understand my struggles and who I am as a person. It has been a blessing and I look forward to my continued treatment.

This next year, I want to feel that I have grown as a person, and actively live a stable, healthy life. I want to be normal, and I think I can do it. Having BPD and BP isn’t an excuse for me not to be successful and who I want to be. I want to be a good person, and I want to always be better. I am thankful for my support systems and I want to give back to them. I want to show the kindness that they have shown me, and the love that they showed me through my most mentally ill moments. I want to feel at peace with myself and show my best.

My plan is to take time away from McCafferty again after this record, I don’t feel like I have anything else left to say after these songs. I tried my best on them and loved writing them, and I think people will really enjoy them, so I want to release something I’m proud of and move into the next part of my life, which is my family. I want to stop writing music after this record, and want to transition my writing and become a better author. I need practice on writing screenplays and novels, so maybe I will update something self-published to the blog someday, but I want to learn how to craft longer stories adapted for the stage or screen. It’s something I have always felt drawn to, and it’s become what I am passionate about. I want to do this alongside having a family. I want to live my life for someone else and give them love and support and watch them grow and succeed.

But at my core, I will always be McCafferty, and it will always be who I am. Even if it’s a part of who I was at a certain time in my life, I will always love it. I am very excited to put out some new music, and I have decided that there won’t be any merchandise for it. I am thankful for the shirts that were for charity, but I don’t see this new release having anything. I think just putting up the music is the healthiest choice for me, but nothing more. I will be raffling off the acoustic, bass, and electric used on the record (I am working with my team to see how to make that possible, it will be free though)

I am thankful for another year on this planet. I will continue to grow and be the best I can be.


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