• Nick Hartkop

October, 27, 2022 (Trees III Lyrics)

I’m scared and lost

Your hand in mine

Shut up, fuck off

These thoughts won’t stop.


One for the money, two for the show, three for the things your dad don’t know

Four, five men inside my bed, six more times I wish I’m dead

Skies of blue and skies of grey, I will love you anyway

You’re a poet too, so I trust you understand my pain

I’m hoping you can fix me, there’s something wrong inside my head

I have these messed up thoughts like a lightbulb burning out again.

When I was younger, I felt stronger

When I was younger…


And I can count the marks on your arms, and I can see the scars on top of scars

I can see you at work crying in your car feeling like the life you have to live is somehow fake

Why did God give me such a shit hand to take?

I think we can stop here for the night, it looks like a nice place

It means no worries son, so please have a nice day

I can feel this poison spread from my heart to my brain

And I can feel the sorrow spill out of my mouth like tar, and I wanted to tell you that I love you before I die

Whether you care or not it’s important for me to get off my chest, that I miss you and miss being your friend


Out, let’s come out and kiss on the lips.

The mosaic that we painted with the tips of tulips we stole from the garden we grew

When you were younger you hated the truth, that you were attracted to people like you.

There’s something that’s hiding inside of my room and when we hold hands it felt like I am free.

I hear that your father hates faggots like me

They pray for the cure because that’s what they need

A straight man at church but a gay in the sheets

How could you do this to your family?

We can’t help who were attracted to see

I asked you a question so please answer me

You know what mom? Fuck you, you'll never love me

You’ll only accept me, that’s all that you’ll be. \

Won't celebrate what I want, or I need.


I’m scared and lost

Your hand in mine

Shut up, fuck off

These thoughts won’t stop.

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